關於 love others as yourself中文 ，我們在網路上蒐集到這些相關的討論、資訊與評價

書名：《垃圾場長大的自學人生》談教育、自我探索、和終身學習
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部落格好讀版：https://readingoutpost.com/educated/

一個社會邊緣的失學女孩，成為劍橋大學歷史學博士的震撼教育

從書評網站 goodreads 2018年度最佳選書的自傳分類裡，挑中了這本主題鮮明的自傳：沒有接受過正規教育的女孩，透過自學而成為劍橋大學歷史學博士的故事。這本書也屢被拿來跟《絕望者之歌》比較，類似的地方在於，作者都用自身的血淚經歷講述著菁英族群難以理解的「另一個世界」的樣貌。

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本書摘要

《垃圾場長大的自學人生》作者 Tara Westover 生於一個信奉末日預言的摩門教家庭，父親從事垃圾回收，母親則是無照的接生婆和藥草密醫。作者 9歲拿到出生證明，17歲進入第一所正規學校，幾經波折後獲得劍橋大學博士學位。而這段成長歷程裡，那些令人匪夷所思的故事，以及作者度過許多煎熬時刻的心境，到後來透過教育擁抱全新的自我，成就了這本不平凡的自傳。

Tara 的父親不給孩子出生證明，也不允許他們接受正規學校教育。家庭成員舉凡車禍、燒傷等重大傷疾都不允許去醫院，必須在家裡接受草藥秘方治療。家中除了聖經之外，只有摩門教義書籍和童書，所謂的家庭自學大多師承這些書籍還有父親極端且扭曲的世界觀。

Tara 後來正式進入大學就讀，在一堂西方藝術課，她舉手問老師，說不認識畫作中的斜體字「 Holocaust」，全班鴉雀無聲且全然地沉默。後來她才知道這個字指的是二戰時期猶太人大屠殺。驚嚇於自己的無知與難以表達的歉意，她那個學期都沒有再舉手發問。

透過校園教育帶來的衝擊，Tara 也瞭解到多年來的奮鬥，為的就是認識世界的道理，去體驗真實的生活，進而構築出自我的思想和價值觀。自幼不斷被父親壓抑、否定的 Tara，頑抗堅毅地掙脫束縛後，感嘆道：

What my father wanted to cast from me wasn’t a demon: it was me.
我父親想從我身上驅逐的不是惡魔，而是「我」。

Tara 自幼活在父親的規則和權威之下，只要稍有不同的想法，就被視為背叛或不孝。她最後選擇和原生家庭分道揚鑣，與父母從此斷絕聯絡，擺脫長年的精神牢籠，邁入她嚮往的世界和決定自己的人生道路。或許在某些文化中這是大逆不道的舉動，然而接受教育後才發現真實自我的 Tara 是這麼說的：

You can love someone and still choose to say goodbye to them. You can miss a person every day, and still be glad that they are no longer in your life.
你可以既深愛著某人卻又選擇和他道離別。你可以每天都思念著他，卻又慶幸他們不再活在你的生命中

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我最喜歡的段落

在這本書的中後段，Tara 跟教授討論是否能留在劍橋讀書的時候，讚嘆道：

This is a magical place, Everything shines here.
這裡是一個奇妙的地方，所有的東西都在發光。

童年的自卑情節讓 Tara 認為這些宏偉的事物都閃耀著光芒，除了她自己。但教授回應她的這段激勵和肯定，讓我反覆聽了好多回：

You must stop yourself from thinking like that. You are not fool’s gold, shining only under a particular light. Whomever you become,whatever you make yourself into, that is who you always were. It was always inyou. Not in Cambridge. In you. You are gold. And returning to BYU, or even to that mountain you came from, will not change who you are. It may change how others see you, it may even change how you see yourself—even gold appears dull in some lighting—but that is the illusion. And it always was.
妳必須停止那麼想，妳不是只有在特定光線下才會發光的假黃金。無論妳成為誰，無論妳轉變成什麼，妳就是妳。真實的妳就在妳的內心，而不是在劍橋，妳就是貨真價實的黃金。無論妳回到楊百翰大學或故鄉的山區，也不會改變妳是誰。這可能改變別人怎麼看妳，也可能改變妳怎麼看自己。真金即使在特定的光線下，也可能顯得暗淡無光，但這只是假象。

用中文成語形容就是：在涅貴不緇，曖曖內含光。不因為環境或出身而看低自己，這是需要多大的勇氣才能擁有的體悟。

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什麼是教育

我認為這本書談的教育，重點不在於作者17歲後才接受的正規學校教育，這是一個極端案例下的偶然結果。

教育的重點在於，它是一種「自我探索」的過程。無論是求學階段或者出社會後的自學方式，都是為了能夠在多元開放的環境下，無論透過老師、教科書或經典讀物，盡可能去學習廣泛的知識和觀點，進而形塑自我的價值觀。

接受學校的正規教育，只是眾多教育途徑中，相對有效且普遍被接受的管道。這個觀念呼應到我自己想堅持的公益計畫，想幫助資源缺乏的孩子們可以學習和受教育，讓他們能得到最基本「自我探索」的權利。

Tara 透過教育進而實現自我探索，掌握了選擇自己命運的權利。在書本最終章她寫道：

The decisions I made after that moment were not the ones she would have made. They were the choices of a changed person, a new self. You could call this selfhood many things. Transformation. Metamorphosis. Falsity. Betrayal.I call it an education.
往後我做出的抉擇已經跟當初受到束縛的女孩無關。這是改變後的一個全新自我，所做出的新選擇。你可以說這種自我選擇是：轉換、蛻變、虛假、背叛。而我，稱之為教育。

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是自我探索，也是終身學習

對於已經出社會的人們，從學校畢業不代表教育的終點。教育這個自我探索的過程沒有所謂終點，只有無垠無涯的終身學習。以我自身的經驗來說，透過閱讀是真正開啟視野之窗的金鑰，也是工作之餘可以維持學習動能的絕佳管道。以下舉幾個自己閱讀的例子也順便做為好書的分享。

從《真確》瞭解世界正在逐漸變好但也充滿許多挑戰，而非老一輩常掛在口中的一代不如一代、世界越來越糟的悲觀論定。

從《人類大歷史》認識人類的源起和文明的興衰，學會如何區分虛構的故事和真實的苦痛，不要單方面盲信而要抱持好奇心去學習和自省。

從《活出意義來》體悟到人生的意義是由自己去賦予，參透意義就能忍受任何苦痛，掌握逆境中仍能選擇人生態度的終極自由。

最後記下這本書給我最大的收穫，也是 Tara 深刻的感觸：「不要用別人描述自己的話語，來定義自己的人生；而是自己決定生活的意義，掌握人生的最高話語權」。

My life was narrated for me by others. Their voices were forceful, emphatic, absolute. It had never occurred to me that my voice might be as strong as theirs.

Stand up. Respect ✊

(Update: 中文繹版連結：https://www.facebook.com/329728177143445/posts/1800273350088913/)

“An open letter to Eric Kwok, and for everyone re homophobia, discrimination and bullying”

Dear Eric,

Imagine this. You are one of the contestants on a TV talent show. You are sitting in a room with other hopefuls and one of the judges walks into the room and demanded this: “Raise your hand if you are not homophobic.”

I’m very sure you will raise your hand.

You don’t have to answer me whether or not you really are homophobic. But stay with the feeling inside your mind. How do you feel?

Your feelings are most likely the same as the feelings of your contestants when you walked into a room and asked them to raise their hands to declare their sexual orientation publicly. Because in this day and age, homophobia is just as “controversial” as homosexuality, if not more.

The reason why I’m writing this open letter to you is because after reading your apology, I want to take the opportunity to address to you, and everyone out there, the need for proper etiquette regarding LGBT issues, and to address the forms of micro-aggression, bullying and discrimination the LGBT community faces everyday especially in the workplace.

I’m taking this incident seriously because from my personal experience, this is not just a one-time slip-up for you.

I remember long time ago I was so looking forward to meeting and working with you because you are, after all, Eric Kwok the great songwriter.

You were very friendly when we talked privately. Then I started to notice how once there were audiences, media or other people around and when the cameras were turned on, you would start making insinuating and demeaning gay jokes about me and in front of me. Jokes and comments even my closest friends wouldn’t dare to make in public.

At first, I didn’t really pay too much attention. I just brushed it off as juvenile and trivial. In fact, I had been so used to these jokes since growing up that I learned not to react much.

However, as time progressed and we worked on more occasions, the same thing would happen repeatedly. The teasing and the stereotypical gay jokes continued and you would make sure that the spotlight would fall on me afterwards. The jokes no longer felt light. They felt hostile, even vindictive.

In fact, it felt like bullying.

One of these incidents was well documented in tabloids back then and you can still look it up yourself on the internet.

I came to the realization that it was not just a one-time thing. I don’t know if it’s intentional or unintentional but it’s definitely a habit and a pattern.

So many questions would be in my mind every time after working with you. Why does Eric do that every time? Is he picking on me? Does he hate me? Is he homophobic? Does he think homosexuality is something funny? Does he do this to other people too? Did I do something that pissed him off? I remember I was nothing but courteous. So why do I deserve this?

I had no answers for all of these questions. All I knew was I became fearful of working with you, dreading what words would fall out of your mouth to put me in an awkwardly embarassing position. But still I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. You’re from California you shouldn’t be homophobic. I even defended you in my head by telling myself to loosen up.

But it’s not just you. Throughout my years in the entertainment industry, I have encountered and endured so many chauvinistic “tough guys” who like to use homosexuality as a laughing stock or source of bad comedy which were all discriminating and demeaning, yet not funny.

It’s not only me. I’m sure many people of the LGBT community face this everyday in their workplace. People around them would claim their intentions were harmless but we all knew deep down that these “jokes” have the power to put people someone in an embarrassing, inferior and even threatening positions.

We kept quiet and tolerated. Sometimes we even felt obligated to laugh along just so we couldn’t afford to look “petty” or “stiff”, especially in front of people of higher authority and stature.

So Eric I want to ask you.

Why have you been so obsessed with my sexuality all these years?

Why are you so fascinated by other people’s sexuality?

Why is being gay such a huge issue to you even to this day that you had to make it the first thing you asked your contestants?

Why you also had to specifically make a post on social media about that fact you questioned people about their sexuality?

Why do you take so much pride publicly in your ability to guess who are the gay contestants even when they weren’t ready to share that information?

And most of all why do you find all this to be so funny?

To begin with one’s sexual orientation is a very personal thing which others have no right to intrude, even in the entertainment industry where you are supposed to be fine with “controversy”.

This is for you and everyone out there: using your power and authority to demand someone to declare his or her sexual orientation, especially in a work environment, is ancient, barbaric and unacceptable.

Kicking someone out of the closet is just pure evil.

The fact you did what you did, especially with your stature and on broadcast TV, is not only wrong, but also you are telling the Hong Kong audience that it’s alright to continue this form of intrusion and micro aggression that the LGBT community wants to see gone.

You’re leading a very poor example by giving Hong Kong audience the impression that being gay is still a taboo.

How are your contestants, who are boys of young age, going to offer new perspectives to the Hong Kong audience under your guidance if you perpetuate stereotyping and demonstrate to them that being gay is still an issue?

I feel sorry for any contestants who are in fact gay sitting in that room that day too. They must have been traumatized seeing the way you forced your inquisition. The impression you left them with is that the entertainment industry is still a very unfriendly place for gays. Is that what you want them to think?

But most of all, it’s the attitude, tone and manner with which you shared about this incident on social media, giving people the impression that any matter regarding sexual orientation is still something shameful and laughable, which is on top of list the thing that the LGBT community fights hard everyday to change.

When you said in your apology you “have great respect for gay people, especially their hard fight for equality” I became baffled as what you did, in the past to me or in that room to the boys, is the exact thing that makes the LGBT community’s ongoing fight for equality so difficult.

Putting people down, perpetuate stereotypes, heckling and ridiculing yet making it look OK is anything but liberal and respectful, or Californian. I don’t see any “entertainment values” that are of good taste if they are made up at the expense of other people’s struggle.

If this incident happened in America, where you grew up, you would’ve gotten yourself in such hot waters that you probably can’t get out of.

I just want you and everyone out there to know that it’s not okay. And it never was. Never will be.

Being “as liberal as it gets” is great. Having gay friends is great too. Having dinner with your gay friends is absolutely fabulous! Playing all these cards to avoid being labelled as “homophobic” is very convenient. But having class, empathy, kindness and authentic respect is a completely different territory. These don’t come automatically with backgrounds.

At this point you don’t owe me an apology. I just hope that after this incident you can really start working and living with the essences of a truly liberal and creative individual. Inspire changes and end stereotypes. Start new trends and break old patterns. Embrace and not segregate. Do the work.

I had been away from Hong Kong and the industry for a few years now. It breaks me heart that I have to write this sort of open letter when it’s already 2018. I want to make this industry a safer, nicer and more accepting place to work in when I return. I want members of the LGBT community in Hong Kong, who have been so supportive of me and my music, to also have safer and nicer working environment in their respective lives.

I don’t mind coming off as an over-reacting petty bitch with no sense of humour if my message finally comes through and everyone, including you, “gets it”. I rather have no sense of humour than a bad one.

To all the contestants of the show. If anyone ever asks you if you are gay and you are not ready to discuss, it’s OK to stand up for yourself and say this: “It’s a rude question to begin with. You have no right to get an answer from me to begin with. And it doesn’t matter. It SHOULDN’T matter. It’s 2018. I hope one day I can use my craft to inspire the world and to make this become a non-issue.”

But if you are ready to be open, you have my complete support and love.

Let’s hope that through acceptance, learning and effort, one day there will no longer be any “controversial questions”. Wouldn’t we like that Eric?

Yours truly,
Pong

#LGBT
#homophobia
#safeworkplace
#中文版稍後會有
Eric Kwok 郭偉亮

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

(Update: 中文繹版連結：https://www.facebook.com/329728177143445/posts/1800273350088913/)

“An open letter to Eric Kwok, and for everyone re homophobia, discrimination and bullying”

Dear Eric,

Imagine this. You are one of the contestants on a TV talent show. You are sitting in a room with other hopefuls and one of the judges walks into the room and demanded this: “Raise your hand if you are not homophobic.”

I’m very sure you will raise your hand.

You don’t have to answer me whether or not you really are homophobic. But stay with the feeling inside your mind. How do you feel?

Your feelings are most likely the same as the feelings of your contestants when you walked into a room and asked them to raise their hands to declare their sexual orientation publicly. Because in this day and age, homophobia is just as “controversial” as homosexuality, if not more.

The reason why I’m writing this open letter to you is because after reading your apology, I want to take the opportunity to address to you, and everyone out there, the need for proper etiquette regarding LGBT issues, and to address the forms of micro-aggression, bullying and discrimination the LGBT community faces everyday especially in the workplace.

I’m taking this incident seriously because from my personal experience, this is not just a one-time slip-up for you.

I remember long time ago I was so looking forward to meeting and working with you because you are, after all, Eric Kwok the great songwriter.

You were very friendly when we talked privately. Then I started to notice how once there were audiences, media or other people around and when the cameras were turned on, you would start making insinuating and demeaning gay jokes about me and in front of me. Jokes and comments even my closest friends wouldn’t dare to make in public.

At first, I didn’t really pay too much attention. I just brushed it off as juvenile and trivial. In fact, I had been so used to these jokes since growing up that I learned not to react much.

However, as time progressed and we worked on more occasions, the same thing would happen repeatedly. The teasing and the stereotypical gay jokes continued and you would make sure that the spotlight would fall on me afterwards. The jokes no longer felt light. They felt hostile, even vindictive.

In fact, it felt like bullying.

One of these incidents was well documented in tabloids back then and you can still look it up yourself on the internet.

I came to the realization that it was not just a one-time thing. I don’t know if it’s intentional or unintentional but it’s definitely a habit and a pattern.

So many questions would be in my mind every time after working with you. Why does Eric do that every time? Is he picking on me? Does he hate me? Is he homophobic? Does he think homosexuality is something funny? Does he do this to other people too? Did I do something that pissed him off? I remember I was nothing but courteous. So why do I deserve this?

I had no answers for all of these questions. All I knew was I became fearful of working with you, dreading what words would fall out of your mouth to put me in an awkwardly embarassing position. But still I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. You’re from California you shouldn’t be homophobic. I even defended you in my head by telling myself to loosen up.

But it’s not just you. Throughout my years in the entertainment industry, I have encountered and endured so many chauvinistic “tough guys” who like to use homosexuality as a laughing stock or source of bad comedy which were all discriminating and demeaning, yet not funny.

It’s not only me. I’m sure many people of the LGBT community face this everyday in their workplace. People around them would claim their intentions were harmless but we all knew deep down that these “jokes” have the power to put people someone in an embarrassing, inferior and even threatening positions.

We kept quiet and tolerated. Sometimes we even felt obligated to laugh along just so we couldn’t afford to look “petty” or “stiff”, especially in front of people of higher authority and stature.

So Eric I want to ask you.

Why have you been so obsessed with my sexuality all these years?

Why are you so fascinated by other people’s sexuality?

Why is being gay such a huge issue to you even to this day that you had to make it the first thing you asked your contestants?

Why you also had to specifically make a post on social media about that fact you questioned people about their sexuality?

Why do you take so much pride publicly in your ability to guess who are the gay contestants even when they weren’t ready to share that information?

And most of all why do you find all this to be so funny?

To begin with one’s sexual orientation is a very personal thing which others have no right to intrude, even in the entertainment industry where you are supposed to be fine with “controversy”.

This is for you and everyone out there: using your power and authority to demand someone to declare his or her sexual orientation, especially in a work environment, is ancient, barbaric and unacceptable.

Kicking someone out of the closet is just pure evil.

The fact you did what you did, especially with your stature and on broadcast TV, is not only wrong, but also you are telling the Hong Kong audience that it’s alright to continue this form of intrusion and micro aggression that the LGBT community wants to see gone.

You’re leading a very poor example by giving Hong Kong audience the impression that being gay is still a taboo.

How are your contestants, who are boys of young age, going to offer new perspectives to the Hong Kong audience under your guidance if you perpetuate stereotyping and demonstrate to them that being gay is still an issue?

I feel sorry for any contestants who are in fact gay sitting in that room that day too. They must have been traumatized seeing the way you forced your inquisition. The impression you left them with is that the entertainment industry is still a very unfriendly place for gays. Is that what you want them to think?

But most of all, it’s the attitude, tone and manner with which you shared about this incident on social media, giving people the impression that any matter regarding sexual orientation is still something shameful and laughable, which is on top of list the thing that the LGBT community fights hard everyday to change.

When you said in your apology you “have great respect for gay people, especially their hard fight for equality” I became baffled as what you did, in the past to me or in that room to the boys, is the exact thing that makes the LGBT community’s ongoing fight for equality so difficult.

Putting people down, perpetuate stereotypes, heckling and ridiculing yet making it look OK is anything but liberal and respectful, or Californian. I don’t see any “entertainment values” that are of good taste if they are made up at the expense of other people’s struggle.

If this incident happened in America, where you grew up, you would’ve gotten yourself in such hot waters that you probably can’t get out of.

I just want you and everyone out there to know that it’s not okay. And it never was. Never will be.

Being “as liberal as it gets” is great. Having gay friends is great too. Having dinner with your gay friends is absolutely fabulous! Playing all these cards to avoid being labelled as “homophobic” is very convenient. But having class, empathy, kindness and authentic respect is a completely different territory. These don’t come automatically with backgrounds.

At this point you don’t owe me an apology. I just hope that after this incident you can really start working and living with the essences of a truly liberal and creative individual. Inspire changes and end stereotypes. Start new trends and break old patterns. Embrace and not segregate. Do the work.

I had been away from Hong Kong and the industry for a few years now. It breaks me heart that I have to write this sort of open letter when it’s already 2018. I want to make this industry a safer, nicer and more accepting place to work in when I return. I want members of the LGBT community in Hong Kong, who have been so supportive of me and my music, to also have safer and nicer working environment in their respective lives.

I don’t mind coming off as an over-reacting petty bitch with no sense of humour if my message finally comes through and everyone, including you, “gets it”. I rather have no sense of humour than a bad one.

To all the contestants of the show. If anyone ever asks you if you are gay and you are not ready to discuss, it’s OK to stand up for yourself and say this: “It’s a rude question to begin with. You have no right to get an answer from me to begin with. And it doesn’t matter. It SHOULDN’T matter. It’s 2018. I hope one day I can use my craft to inspire the world and to make this become a non-issue.”

But if you are ready to be open, you have my complete support and love.

Let’s hope that through acceptance, learning and effort, one day there will no longer be any “controversial questions”. Wouldn’t we like that Eric?

Yours truly,
Pong

#LGBT
#homophobia
#safeworkplace
#中文版稍後會有
Eric Kwok 郭偉亮