My cat died today. Unexpectedly? Or did I expected it all along? I have been feeling a bit “off” for the past few days. Couldn’t pin point the cause of it but I felt sad and a sort of void.
This morning I went outside my house just to find my cat laying on the doormat, like he was sleeping. We never really decided on a name for him because he was unexpected. He was called Luna , kucing Baba, kenit but I called him Sayang like I did all of them.
I went about my business thinking he was just tired and resting but when I came back , he was still lying there , haven’t moved an inch. So still.
Sayang ? Are you okay? He looked like he wanted to answer me but nothing came out . He always was a talker and it was then that I realised that he was actually paralysed. Paralysed of movement, paralysed of life. Numb.
Tears started to escape from my eyes , like a pool that can no longer be contain. I am crying for my pain and his.I told him that it would be ok, and that I was sorry. For not being there when you needed me.
I had a feeling that he wanted to leave us but I wanted to bring him to the vet just in case. He was in pain but he was in comfort because I was there he did not want to be alone , all he wanted was not to be alone.
“Sayang , you can go. It’s going to be ok , I’m here” I rushed inside to change and wanted to bring him to the vet . But when I got back to him , he was already cold. So still like he was sleeping. So peaceful. I mourn and cried in disbelief and belief, and so I buried him in denial he still looked so peaceful and returned him to earth and scattered him with flowers.
This is the closest experience I had with death and it may be insignificant to you but today I felt Humanity through him.
Goodbye Sayang , I’ll see you again . InsyaAllah.
