I have always thought that I will be the first one to bid everyone goodbye...I have always thought that I’d be the first to go. I have always convinced myself not to be scared of death and not to worry about leaving the kids coz they are so blessed that they have their loving Mamajee in their life. I have always felt truly blessed to have such a loving brother who sacrificed so much not only for me, but for my husband and my kids too...
He was there to help care for me when my health got worse. He was there to help care for my kids when my attention for them was absent due to my health. He was there to cook for me and my family. He was there to help keep my house tidy just the way I would do myself (even better than myself). He was there for the kids on their special days and to celebrate their achievements. He was there to support my husband managing me and the kids. He was there to boost my spirit when I was down. He was there to keep me feeling young with his silly jokes. He was there to witness the worst episode in my life - the pain - the moment when no one was able to come near me or touch me or lay a finger on me coz it would hurt me so much...even brushing my hair would end up with me crying in pain. He was there when I thought I was breathing my last breath. And he was still there when God miraculously brought me back from the ‘dead’...
And then there was a plot twist...it was his turn! But I wasn’t there for him!! I can still remember praying to God asking to switch places with him. I cried while I was praying coz I felt guilty towards my kids for asking God of such thing. But at the same time I was crying coz I can’t bear to let go of the person who had sacrificed his life for me and my family. My heart was torn into pieces when some ignorant people questioned why I wasn’t there for him when I haven’t even managed to go out of my house, let alone travel long distances...
إِنَّا لِلّهِ وَإِنَّـا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعونَ (We surely belong to Allah and to Him we shall return) 💔 I let him go. I had to. But I miss him everyday. I cried everyday. Not because I didn’t accept the decree of Allah...but just simply because I love him!
Here without you,
Adam’s 2nd Sister (Mrs Mom)
p/s: Sorry for setting today’s #SundayWithAdam 💛 with my poignant mood. I‘ve always reminded myself to keep my positive mode on when Sunday comes. But sometimes it’s too hard to fake it when your heart is hurting so much...
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