關於 when you say nothing at all意思 ，我們在網路上蒐集到這些相關的討論、資訊與評價

［翻轉視界 8］逃離禁錮之地：離開北韓我學會自由與憐憫
　
“If you don't know the words, that means you don't understand the concept, and therefore, you don't even realize that concept is even a possibility.” —— human rights activist Yeonmi Park。
　
「如果你不知道某些詞彙，那就意味著你並不了解某些概念，因此你也不會意識到，那些概念可以是一種可能。」——人權鬥士朴延美
　
對出逃前的她而言，自由與溫飽是很奢侈的理念，更無法了解「愛」的全貌。當我們無法得知世界發生了什麼，無法想像那超越自身認知的世界，我們便無法真正地同理他人。今天我想邀請大家，以不同的角度，重新感受自由、溫飽與愛的可貴。
　
★★★★★★★★★★★★
　
I was born in 1993 in the northern part of North Korea, in a town called Hyesan, which is on the border with China. I had loving parents and one older sister. Before I was even 10 years old, my father was sent to a labor camp for engaging in illegal trading. Now, by "illegal trading" -- he was selling clogs, sugar, rice and later copper to feed us. In 2007, my sister and I decided to escape. She was 16 years old, and I was 13 years old.
　
1. on the border with 鄰近邊界
2. labor camp 勞改營
3. illegal trading 非法的交易
　
１９９３年我出生在北韓的北部，一個名叫惠山的小鎮，鄰近中國邊界。我有愛我的父母與一位姐姐。在我１０歲大的時候，父親就被送去勞改營，因為他非法買賣一些東西。所謂的非法買賣，其實他是賣一些木鞋、糖、米，之後還賣了銅，只為了餵飽我們。２００７年，姐姐和我決定逃跑。她當時１６歲，而我１３歲。
　
★★★★★★★★★★★★
　
I need you to understand what the word "escape" means in the context of North Korea. We were all starving, and hunger means death in North Korea. So it was the only option for us. I didn't even understand the concept of escape, but I could see the lights from China at night, and I wondered if I go where the light is, I might be able to find a bowl of rice. It's not like we had a grand plan or maps. We did not know anything about what was going to happen. Imagine your apartment building caught fire. I mean, what would you do? Would you stay there to be burned, or would you jump off out of the window and see what happens? That's what we did. We jumped out of the house instead of the fire.
　
4. in the context of 在⋯⋯的情境中
5. concept 概念；觀念；思想
6. a grand plan 一個遠大的計畫
7. catch fire 著火
　
你們要知道，「逃跑」這兩字在北韓意味著什麼。我們天天挨餓，而飢餓在北韓意味著死亡。所以逃跑是我們唯一的選擇。我當時還不了解逃跑是什麼意思，但晚上我能看見中國那邊的燈光，我想著如果我能到有光的地方，也許就能找到一碗飯。我們沒有什麼遠大的計畫或地圖。我們完全不知道，接下來會發生什麼事。想像一下，你的公寓失火了，你會怎麼辦？你會坐以待斃，還是跳窗然後再看著辦？我們就是那樣。我們從大樓上跳了下來， 而不是等火燒上來。
　
★★★★★★★★★★★★
　
North Korea is unimaginable. It's very hard for me when people ask me what it feels like to live there. To be honest, I tell you: you can't even imagine it. The words in any language can't describe, because it's a totally different planet, as you cannot imagine your life on Mars right now. For example, the word "love" has only one meaning: love for the Dear Leader. There's no concept of romantic love in North Korea. And if you don't know the words, that means you don't understand the concept, and therefore, you don't even realize that concept is even a possibility.
　
8. unimaginable 無法想像
9. no concept of... 沒有⋯的概念
10. romantic love 浪漫愛
　
北韓是難以想像的。對我來說，要回答住在北韓是什麼感覺，非常困難。老實說，我可以告訴各位——你無從想像。沒有任何語言可以描述，因為那是個截然不同的星球，就像你現在無法想像自己在火星上的生活一樣。比如說，「愛」只有一個意思：愛偉大的領袖。在北韓沒有那種浪漫之愛的概念。如果你不知道某些詞彙，那就意味著你並不了解某些概念，因此你也不會意識到，那些概念可以是一種可能。
　
★★★★★★★★★★★★
　
Let me give you another example. Growing up in North Korea, we truly believed that our Dear Leader is an almighty god who can even read my thoughts. I was even afraid to think in North Korea. We are told that he's starving for us, and he's working tirelessly for us, and my heart just broke for him. When I escaped to South Korea, people told me that he was actually a dictator, he had cars, many, many resorts, and he had an ultraluxurious life. And then I remember looking at a picture of him, realizing for the first time that he is the largest guy in the picture. And it hit me. Finally, I realized he wasn't starving. But I was never able to see that before, until someone told me that he was fat.
　
11. an almighty god 一個全能的神
12. tirelessly 不屈不撓地；堅忍地
13. a dictator 獨裁者
14. it hit me 突然想到、意識到 
15. resort 度假地（此處係指北韓獨裁者有很多度假別墅）
16. ultraluxurious 極其奢華的
17. have a…life 過著⋯⋯的生活
　
讓我再舉一個例子。在北韓長大，我們真心相信我們偉大的領袖是全能的神，他甚至能看穿我在想什麼。我在北韓甚至不敢思考。我們聽說他為我們挨餓、不眠不休地為我們工作，而我為此感到心痛。我逃到南韓後，有人跟我說他其實是獨裁者，他有很多車、很多很多渡假別墅，他的生活極為奢華。我記得自己看著一張有他的照片，第一次意識到他是照片裡體型最大的那個。這件事讓我大受打擊。那時我才終於了解，他沒有挨餓。但我以前總無法看清這些，直到有人跟我說他很胖，我才恍然大悟。
　
★★★★★★★★★★★★
　
Really, someone had to teach me that he was fat. If you have never practiced critical thinking, then you simply see what you're told to see. The biggest question also people ask me is: "Why is there no revolution inside North Korea? Are we dumb? Why is there no revolution for 70 years of this oppression?" And I say: If you don't know you're a slave, if you don't know you're isolated or oppressed, how do you fight to be free? I mean, if you know you're isolated, that means you are not isolated. Not knowing is the true definition of isolation, and that's why I never knew I was isolated when I was in North Korea. I literally thought I was in the center of the universe.
　
18. critical thinking 批判性思考
19. revolution 革命
20. dumb 愚蠢的*
21. oppression 壓迫；壓制；欺壓
22. isolated and oppressed 與世隔絕的與被壓迫的
　
真的，要有人教我，他這樣叫做胖。如果你沒學過批判性思考，你看到的就只會是別人跟你說的。其他人對我提出的大哉問還有：「為何北韓沒有革命？我們傻嗎？為何歷經７０年的壓迫，卻沒人發動革命？」我回答：「如果你不知道自己是奴隸，不知道自己被與世隔絕、壓迫，你要如何為自由而戰？我的意思是，如果你知道自己被與世隔絕，那就表示你並非真的與世隔絕。與世隔絕的真正定義是無知，所以我從不知道，在北韓的我與世隔絕。我真的以為我們是宇宙的中心。

*dumb: https://bit.ly/3fG5XOk
　
★★★★★★★★★★★★
　
So here is my idea worth spreading: a lot of people think humans inherently know what is right and wrong, the difference between justice and injustice, what we deserve and we don't deserve. I tell them: BS. Everything, everything must be taught, including compassion. If I see someone dying on the street right now, I will do anything to save that person. But when I was in North Korea, I saw people dying and dead on the streets. I felt nothing. Not because I'm a psychopath, but because I never learned the concept of compassion. Only, I felt compassion, empathy and sympathy in my heart after I learned the word "compassion" and the concept, and I feel them now.
　
23. inherently 與生俱來地
24. justice and injustice 正義與不義
25. psychopath 精神病患者
26. compassion, empathy and sympathy 憐憫、同理與同情*
　
我覺得值得分享的想法是：很多人以為，人類生來就能分辨是非對錯，懂得正義與邪惡的差別，我們值得被怎樣對待。我跟他們說：放屁。所有的事，所有的事都得經過教導，包含憐憫。如果我現在看見有人在路邊奄奄一息，我會不顧一切來救他。但我在北韓的時候，會眼睜睜看著有人橫死街頭，卻沒有任何感覺。並非因為我是心理病態，而是我從未學過憐憫的概念。只有在我的內心感受到憐憫、同理與同情，我才學會「憐憫」一詞與其概念，而如今我已能感受到這些。
　
*compassion: a strong feeling of sympathy and sadness for the suffering or bad luck of others and a wish to help them

empathy: the ability to share someone else's feelings or experiences by imagining what it would be like to be in that person's situation

sympathy: (an expression of) understanding and care for someone else's suffering
　
★★★★★★★★★★★★
　
Now I live in the United States as a free person.
　
現在我以自由人的身分住在美國。
　
★★★★★★★★★★★★
　
And recently, the leader of the free country, our President Trump, met with my former god. And he decided human rights is not important enough to include in his agendas, and he did not talk about it. And it scares me. We live in a world right now where a dictator can be praised for executing his uncle, for killing his half brother, killing thousands of North Koreans. And that was worthy of praise. And also it made me think: perhaps we all need to be taught something new about freedom now. Freedom is fragile. I don't want to alarm you, but it is. It only took three generations to make North Korea into George Orwell's "1984." It took only three generations. If we don't fight for human rights for the people who are oppressed right now who don't have a voice, as free people here, who will fight for us when we are not free? Machines? Animals? I don't know.
　
27. agenda 議程
28. be praised for 因⋯⋯獲得讚揚
29. execute (v.) 處決
30. worthy of sth 適合某物或具有某物的特徵
31. fragile 脆弱
　
最近，自由國度的領袖，我們的川普總統，和我以前的神會面。他認定，人權沒那麼重要，不需排進議程中，所以對此他隻字不提。這嚇壞我了。我們竟身在一個獨裁者處決伯父還能獲得讚揚的世界裡，他殺害同父異母的哥哥、殺害成千上萬的北韓人民，竟還能得到讚揚。這不禁使我開始思考，也許我們現在都要學習自由的新涵義。自由很脆弱。我不想嚇你，但事實如此。短短三個世代，就讓北韓淪為喬治．歐威爾筆下的《１９８４》。只花了三個世代。如果我們不為人權而戰，不為受壓迫、不為無法發聲的人而戰，當身為自由人的我們不自由時，誰還願意為我們而戰？機器嗎？動物嗎？我不知道。
　
★★★★★★★★★★★★
　
I think it's wonderful that we care about climate change, animal rights, gender equality, all of these things. The fact that we care about animals' rights, that means that's how beautiful our heart is, that we care about someone who cannot speak for themselves. And North Koreans right now cannot speak for themselves. They don't have internet in the 21st century. We don't have electricity, and it is the darkest place on earth right now. Now I want to say something to my fellow North Koreans who are living in that darkness. They might not believe this, but I want to tell them that an alternative life is possible. Be free.
　
32. speak for oneself 為某人發聲
33. alternative life 另一種生活
　
我覺得我們能關心氣候變遷、動物權益、性別平等諸如此類之事，真的很美好。因為，我們關心動物權益，就代表了我們的心地有多善良，也代表我們關心無法為自己發聲的對象。北韓人民現在無法為自己發聲。身處２１世紀的他們，沒有網路可用。我們沒有電，那裡是當今地球上最暗的地方。現在我想告訴那些生活在北韓黑暗中的同胞。也許他們不會相信我，但我想告訴他們，生命仍有其他可能——意即自由的生活。
　
★★★★★★★★★★★★
　
From my experience, literally anything is possible. I was bought, I was sold as a slave. But now I'm here, and that is why I believe in miracles. The one thing that I learned from history is that nothing is forever in this world. And that is why we have every reason to be hopeful. Thank you.
　
34. slave 奴隸
35. miracle 奇蹟
　
就我的經驗，真的什麼事都有可能發生。我被人買走，賣給別人當奴隸。但我現在在這裡，這也就是為什麼我相信奇蹟。我從歷史上學到的一件事，就是世上沒有什麼是永恆的。而這也是我們無論如何都能懷有希望的原因。謝謝大家。
　
資訊出處：https://bit.ly/32p5HiK
　
圖片出處：https://bit.ly/32n2zEe
　
★★★★★★★★★★★★
　
如何增進同理心：https://bit.ly/34qSKnC
　
#ChangingPerspectives
#翻轉視界

★★★★★★★★★★★★

翻轉視界系列文章: https://bit.ly/3fPvKUs

#尋人啟事
#胡湘荷妳在哪裡

我的母親已八十歲，
疫情期間，
母親常在電話跟我聊一些過去的事情，
母親的記憶力非常好，
從她十歲開始到現在，
她幾乎能記得所有的事情。

當然，
她記的幾乎都是些令人心碎的事。

就像她的妹妹＿
我的小阿姨，
跟她失聯了四十三年的事，
一直讓母親忘不了。

小阿姨屬猴，
64歲、
1956年出生。
大約1977年離開緬甸，
去到泰國投靠大舅，
又輾轉在1978年左右去了加拿大。
之後，
就失去了聯絡。

自從有網路以來，
我就幫忙母親在各種尋人版上刊登過尋人啟事，
但都沒有下文。
可能是刊登的資訊不齊全。

四十三年前，
小阿姨從緬甸到泰國又到加拿大，
可能證件、姓名等都跟原本的不一樣了。

近期，
與我母親通話，
母親又提到失聯的小阿姨。
她叮嚀我們是否能幫忙她再找找看。

母親今年八十歲，
她很想知道她的小妹，
是否還活在這世界上？

附上母親說的話，
她讓我公佈在網路上。

希望有緣，
我的小阿姨能看到。

Midi 於永和
2020 April 12

#胡湘荷
#尋人

胡湘荷，妳在哪裡？

阿湘，
我是妳的二姐胡明珠。
我們分別有好長一段時間了。

妳離開緬甸時，
我二兒子才剛出生，
都還不滿一個月，
妳來看他時，
還說：
「他的臉白白的，
是不是我給他擦粉？」
現在，
我二兒子四十三歲，
我呢，
已經快滿八十二歲，
八十多歲，
是老人了。

人家說，
人愈老記性愈差，
我是相反，
我的記性反倒是愈老愈好。
但是，我能記住的，
都是些傷心的事情。

也許，
我們這代人，
也沒有什麼快樂的事情可以記住。
就像妳的離開，
我們從此失去聯絡，
想起妳，
就讓我難過。

妳還活著嗎？
我想妳會活得好好的。
妳有幾個小娃了？
過得怎麼樣呢？

四十三年前，
妳離開腊戌時，
妳還在腊戌漢人學校唸書。

有天放學，
我去攔住妳，
跟妳說：
「妳以後每天下課後就來我家吃飯，
別去大姐家吃了…」
妳說：「好」。
妳也就跟著我到我家吃飯了。

我還記得，
妳才剛坐下，
我不知怎麼搞的，
就說了那些話。

我說：
「大姐讓妳以後來我這裡吃飯，
別去她家吃了，
讓妳三姐去她家吃，
妳三姐不挑嘴，
妳比較挑嘴…」。

這些話，
是大姐跟我說的，
我當時太懵，
太老實，
我也不曉得，
為什麼要說這些大姐講的話？
為什麼要講給妳聽？

我完全，
沒有擔待不了妳的意思呀。
不管多窮，
姐妹間互相照顧都是應該的，
我轉述大姐說妳的那些話，
是沒有任何理由的，
就是我以為是姐妹之間的聊天，
講出來而已。

我那時候過得很困難，
養著六個小娃，
病死了兩個。
但是，
照顧自己的妹妹是天經地義的。

那天，
我邊說就邊到廚房去炒菜，
難得妳來這裡吃飯，
總要多一樣什麼菜才行。

我炒完菜端著出來，
妳就不見了。

當時，
房東許老嬤嬤還在場，
她說，
「我轉進廚房，
妳就站起來走了…」

我那時才發覺；
我講錯話了。

妳這麼敏感的人呀！

我一路追著妳，
追到大水塘路上＿
到妳跟妳三姐住的地方，
妳正在哭。
妳正在哭著跟妳三姐吵架，
妳跟妳三姐說：
「二哥寄來的錢分來…」
妳三姐不敢應妳，
在旁沉默著。
這筆妳要的錢，
確實是妳二哥寄來給妳們兩姐妹的生活費。

那時，
媽媽剛去世不久，
大哥人去了泰國；
在泰國北部滿堂安了家，
家裡所有的兄弟陸續去了泰國。
而爸爸因為沒身份證在貴概被移民局抓住，
送到仰光坐滿九年牢，
緬甸政府正打算著把他送到台灣去的時候…

那天，
我看著妳哭，
我就明白了妳的心情。

妳三姐在準備跟她愛人私奔，
在腊戌妳也只有大姐、我和妳三姐了。

我和大姐早結婚，
各自已有有家庭。
如今妳三姐又要嫁人，
大哥他們又遠在泰國，
母親去世，
父親坐牢。
妳接下來就要孤苦零丁的一個人生存了。

一個十八歲的女孩。
我知道妳的害怕和難過。

那天，
看著妳哭，
我很後悔把大姐說的話講出來。

妳應該了解我的。
我一直都盡力照顧我的家人，
當時從雲南背著妳逃難到緬甸邊境，
背了一天一夜。
我都是自願的。

妳記得嗎？
妳到腊戌讀書時，
很想要一條件仔褲，
那時許多人都買不起，
我還是費盡力氣買給妳。
妳知道我是心疼妳的。

妳離開腊戌的那天，
妳說妳要去泰國了。
臨走時，
我拿了300塊錢給妳，
妳知道嗎？
那時候我拿出300塊錢緬幣是到處借來的錢呀。

阿湘，
我知道妳一直都在受苦，
去到泰國，
大嫂可能待不得妳，
妳二哥、三哥他們當時也沒能力照顧妳，
妳在泰國又沒有合法的身份；
哪可能有其它去處。

最後妳選擇結婚，
我想也只是為了解脫這些難過的生活罷了。

之後，
就聽說妳嫁了人，
跟著丈夫家去了加拿大。

之後，
我就再也就打聽不到妳的下落了。

我們最後的連繫，
停留在泰國北部滿堂，
或是停留在泰緬邊境美賽，
我都有些記不得了。

那時，
聽說妳從大哥家跑出來了？
又聽說妳去暫住在一對老年夫妻的家裡？
這些，
都是後來傳到腊戌的消息了。

妳去加拿大前，
還寄來給我和大姐和妳三姐每個人一件衣裳布、
一條籠基。
三份禮物裡夾著三張白紙，
寫著：「大姐的、二姐的、三姐的…」。
我還記得，
那是託「義號佛堂」楊前人帶來的禮物。

那條籠基到現在我還留著＿
孔雀花紋的。

阿湘，
我這個作二姐的也羞愧妳了。
當時，
聽到這些關於妳的困難的消息，
只能每天想念著，
想到傷心，
我沒有任何能力。

那時，
我是，
連從緬甸腊戌到泰國邊境的車票都買不起呀。
當時我養著這麼多小娃，
吃一口飯都難。

阿湘，
現在講這些都只是回憶了，
都是我們老人家的回憶，
都不重要了。

那為什麼還要講這些呢？
就是，
為了，
想讓妳看到，
看到這些我說的話，
證實，
我是妳的二姐而已。
想讓妳知道，
我一直在找妳。

我活到八十歲，
夠了，
人活這麼老沒什麼意思，
都盡是傷心的事情。

我不知哪天會死去。
但如果可能的話，
在死去之前，
能讓我知道一下妳的消息。

我想知道，
妳在哪裡？
我想知道，
妳還活著嗎？

阿湘，
爸爸十幾年前已經去世，
大哥六年前去世，
連大姐，
前年也不在世上了。

妳二哥；
他住在泰國山邊荒地裡，
幫人家看田地，
過得不是很好，
但也不用擔心，
我在泰國的二兒子和大姑娘時常會去照顧他。

妳三哥，
講到也是讓我難過呀。

他大前年腦出血，
去醫院醫好了，
但醫好後，
很奇怪，
突然忘記了漢人話，
只會講泰國話。
後來不久，
他就偷偷上吊自殺了。

你說，
我們兄弟姐妹這是什麼樣的命運呢？

阿湘，
我們家沒剩下什麼人了，
妳三姐、妳四哥還在泰國。
還有我，
我還活著。
我還在緬甸，在腊戌。

除了妳，
我們一家人也就剩下這三個人了。

阿湘，
我們已經分別已四十三年，
妳也有六十多歲了吧？
我很想知道，
妳在哪裡？
妳還活著嗎？

如果有緣，
妳看到這信，
就回我一下吧。

妳的二姐胡明珠，
日日夜夜，
在等妳的消息。

二姐胡明珠　於緬甸腊戌
2020 年4月11日
姪Midi代筆

找人信箱：humingju1638@gmail.com

**************
#notice for a missing person

translated by Jane Lin
****************

Where are you, Hu Shine-Ho?

Ah-Shine,
This is your 2nd sister, Hu Ming-Ju. It has been a long time since we last saw each other. When you left Burma, my 2nd son was not even one-month-old. You asked why he was so fair-skinned? Had I put powder on his face? Now, he is 43 and I am almost 82.

Eighty something...I am indeed an old woman! People say that you lose your memory as you age. I am quite the opposite. The older I get, the better I remember! But, what I remember is nothing but sadness. Perhaps, our generation just doesn't have much happiness. Like you leaving home, we losing contact forever…. The thought of you puts me in such despair. Are you still alive? I imagine you living a good life?!! How many children? How are you?

Forty-three years ago, you were still a student at Chinese High School in Lashio. One day after school, I went to intercept you, "From now on, come to my home after school. Don't go to 1st sister's for dinner anymore." You said, "OK" and followed me home.

I still remember clearly that you had just sat down and I said, "The first sister asks that you come to me for dinner. She will take 3rd sister who's easy-going, not like you, a picky eater." I don't know what possessed me that day? Why I had to tell you what 1st sister had to say? Was I too naive? Too honest? Too stupid? I had absolutely no intension not to take care of you - we are sisters!!!! We have to care for each other, no matter how poor we are!!! The first sister's words just came out as a casual chat between sisters. Nothing more!

Life was tough for me at the time. Diseases took away two of my six children. But that didn't mean I would ignore my God-given responsibility as your elder sister. Without realizing the impact of my "casual chat", I went into the kitchen wondering what additional dish I could come up with for your first dinner with us. When I came out with the dishes, you were already gone! According to our landlady, Granny Hsu, you just got up and left as soon as I was out of sight. Only then did I realize my stupid mistake and how sensitive you were! Immediately, I ran after you, all the way to Big Pond Road where you and 3rd sister stayed. You were crying, asking 3rd sister for the money that 2nd brother sent. 3rd sister just kept quiet.

Indeed! The money that you demanded from 3rd sister was to cover living expenses for both of you. At that time, Mother had already passed away. The first brother went to Thailand, had already settled his own family in Pong Ngam. All the brothers followed suit. Father got caught in Kutkai by the immigration for not having an I.D. and had been in prison in Rangoon for 9 years. The Burmese government was just about to send him to Taiwan…. That day, while watching you cry, I understood how you felt. The third sister was getting ready to run away with her lover and both 1st sister and I were married young with our own families to deal with. As an 18-year-old with no mother, a father in prison, you must have felt all alone, sad and very scared.

I was filled with regrets watching you that day. But, please understand that I have always tried my best to take care of my family. When we escaped from Yunnan to Burma as refugees, I carried you on my back all day and all night without any complaints. When you went to Lashio for school, you wanted a pair of jeans so badly, remember? It was such a luxury that most people could not afford. Yet, I gathered all my might to get you a pair. You know I always have a soft spot for you, don't you? The day you were leaving Lashio for Thailand, do you know how many places I had to try to gather 300 Burmese kyats for you???

Ah-Shine, I know it was a huge struggle for you in Thailand. It's impossible that 1st sister-in-law would put you up. Second and 3rd brothers were in no position to help you….. I suppose you were pushed into marriage, just to end this desperate situation. Last I heard, you moved to Canada with your husband. From that point onward, in spite of all the efforts, I just couldn't find any trace of your whereabouts.

Our last contact stopped at Pong Ngam, Thailand. Or, was it MaeSai? I can't quite remember now. The news came to Lashio that you had run away from 1st brother's home. Later, you were temporarily staying with an older couple….

Before leaving for Canada, you sent, via Abbott Yang of the Yi Buddhist Hall, a package for us - each gift had a piece of dress fabric and a longyi, clearly labeled on a piece of white paper: "for 1st sister," "for 2nd sister," "for 3rd sister." I still have that longyi, with a peacock pattern, after all these years!

Ah-Shine, I feel deeply embarrassed to be your elder sister. Upon hearing the challenges that you had to face at the time, I could do nothing but worrying and feeling sad. I couldn't even afford the bus fare from Lashio to the Thai border. I barely managed to feed my own children!
Ah-Shine, What's the use of talking about these old memories? These sad memories of us old people have no importance but to serve to show you that I am indeed your 2nd sister.… that I have been looking for you all these years.

To live in my eighties is more than enough for me. It's not much fun to live this long - just a lifetime of sadness. I have no idea when I will die and I don't really care. I just wish that I could hear from/about you before I leave this world. I want to know where you are. I want to know if you are still alive.

Ah-Shine, Father passed away more than a decade ago. The first brother left us 6 years ago, so did the first sister 3 years ago. The second brother works as a field caretaker in a remote Thai mountainside. It's not a good life, but both my 2nd son and first daughter are also in Thailand; can visit and take care of him often. The saddest is our 3rd brother. He had a stroke 3 years ago. After recovery, he suddenly forgot his Chinese, could only speak in Thai. Not long after, he hanged himself! Please tell me what kind of fate has been bestowed on our siblings??? What is the meaning of life???
Ah-Shine, There aren't that many of us left, only 3rd sister and 4th brother in Thailand and me still in Burma. In Lashio.

Ah-Shine, We have been apart for 43 years. You should be in your 60s by now. I really would like to know if you are still alive and where you live. God willing, you will see this letter and reply!!! (humingju1638@gmail.com)

Waiting to hear from you, day and night!

Second sister, Hu Ming-Ju
Lashio, Myanmar
April 11. 2020

這是讀者send給我的，希望能和大家分享7.21元朗恐襲的情況。
歡迎轉載，讓更多人看見香港發生了甚麼事。

---

〈完美的一天 A Perfect Day〉

尋日（2019年7月21日）爭少少就係完美嘅一天。
It is almost a perfect day yesterday (21 July 2019).
我係一個普通嘅香港市民，八十後、基督徒、亦係天水圍人，尋日係星期日，我如常同太太出返九龍區嘅教會返崇拜，食完個晏就同太太同朋友去咗尖沙咀行街，之後喺海運戲院睇《反斗奇兵4》，然後食完飯就坐西鐵返屋企。

I am a normal Hong Kong citizen. Born in the 80's, a Christian who lives in Tin Shui Wai. Yesterday was a normal Sunday. I went back to church to join the worship with my wife in Kowloon, joined our friends for lunch in Tsim Sha Tsui, watched Toy Story 4 at the Grand Ocean cinema, and went back home after dinner by West Rail.

大約晚上十點幾喺柯士甸站上西鐵，上咗西鐵一切都好平常，直到接近十一點左右去到元朗站，月台上面傳來大叫「有人受傷、需要支援」嘅呼叫聲，而列車亦因為混亂無法開車，我就落咗去大堂睇一睇發生咩事，老婆留咗喺車廂入面。原來大堂果度一班喺閘入面嘅人已經開緊遮，佢哋俾一班閘外面身穿白色tee裇嘅人以木棍、水樽、棒球棍襲擊緊，出唔到閘。我最初觀察白衫人大約有四五十人左右，都係中年，亦有較年長嘅，識講廣東話粗口，兇神惡煞，非常激動。

At about 10pm, we were at the Austin Station, everything looked normal in the West Rail train. Our train arrived at Yuen Long Station just before 11pm, we heard a screaming, "Someone's hurt, we need backups!", and our train was stopped because of this confusion. I asked my wife to stay in the train, while I got off and went down to the station lobby to see what happened. Inside the gate, there were people holding their umbrellas up, defending from a group of gangsters who were all wearing white-shirts, attacking people inside the gate with wooden sticks, water bottles and baseball bats. People were trapped inside. There were around 40 to 50 white-shirt gangsters, mainly in their middle-aged, some were even older, shouted fiercely in Cantonese foul languages with agitation.

閘內地下留有鮮血血跡，我亦望到遠處閘外大堂有一名傷者受傷倒地，不斷俾白衫人凶緊，因為情況太危險我就無出閘幫手。我本身後退緊，打算上返車廂，就喺呢個時候閘內嘅市民突然全部退後，一湧而來，部份人衝入廁所，其他人就喺我身邊經過衝上扶手電梯梯同樓梯上月台，打算入車廂。

There were fresh blood stains on the floor inside the gate. Outside the gate not far away, there was someone injured, lying down on the floor, constantly threatening by a white-shirt gangster. I did not go out and help him due to the dangerous situation and I tended to go back up to the train. At that very moment, people inside the gate were suddenly moved back towards me. Some rushed into the washroom, others ran passed me and dashed to the platform through the escalators and staircase, and planned to reach the train for safety.

我見身邊有人跌倒，想幫又幫唔到手。然後白衫人已經殺到埋身，我正準備跑上扶手電梯上月台嘅時候就俾人從後襲擊咗後腦一下，我一邊跑一邊回望，睇到一個白衫人拎住枝棒球棍對住扶手電梯上面嘅人（包括我）大聲叫罵「 ___ 你老母」（第一個字聽得唔太清楚，請自行填充。）

Someone fell down next to me, I wished to help but I couldn't. The white-shirt gangsters were fast approaching, and I was about to rush back to the escalator. All of a sudden, I was attacked at my hindbrain, out of nowhere! I kept running and looked back at the attacker, it was a white-shirt gangster who was holding a baseball bat, yelling to the people (including me) on the escalator: YOU MOTHER _______ ! (I didn't hear it clearly, fill-in as you like)

我繼續上返月台，之後回頭望佢並無再追上嚟。我同其他乘客求奇衝入咗最尾一卡車廂，本身我都唔知自己流血，後來有其他乘客話我知我流緊血至知自己受咗傷。最後有啲熱心嘅乘客幫我消毒同包扎傷口（回想返先記得我咁大個仔都係第一次用M巾），同埋讓咗個位俾我坐。

I kept fleeing back to the platform, that white-shirt gangster had stopped chasing us. I went in the train with other passengers, and I did not even realized that I was bleeding until someone told me. Some very friendly passengers helped me to clean and wrap the wound (well, that was the first time I used sanitary pad), and nice enough to give me a seat.

過程之中我一邊用電話聯絡返老婆同佢報平安，佢話有人入咗車廂打人。而身邊嘅乘客都好不安，因為好擔心白衫嘅黑社會（我嗰刻至知原來係黑社會嚟嘅）會衝入嚟打人，好想快啲開車。同時亦開始有人話前面車廂（我係車尾）已經打緊，情況好混亂，好多人都好驚同鼓譟。唔知過咗幾耐（好似港鐵出咗聲明「詳細交代事件」，應該有寫詳細時間），我就坐返同一班列車去天水圍站，匯合返我老婆同遇到救護員，送咗去天水圍醫院，聯咗三針。我喺急症室等候期間，都不斷有被打受傷嘅人送入嚟急症室，估計有五至六個都係喺西鐵被襲的。

I was talking to my wife through the phone throughout the whole process. She told me that those gangsters were attacking people inside the train. Passengers around me were extremely worried, we were all afraid that those white-shirt Triad gangsters (now I knew they are Triad) will storme in and attack. We all hope that the train will move out from the station soon. At the same time, people were saying that there were attacks at the train head (I was at the tail), we were all in confusions and panics. After some minutes (looks like the MTR has made a statement regarding the detailed time), the train has finally moved, and I arrived Tin Shui Wai Station at last. I found my wife, we went straight to an Ambulanceman and admitted to the Tin Shui Wai Hospital afterwards, where I had my three stitches done. While I was waiting in the Emergency Room, 5 or 6 more injured people were sent in due to the West Rail attack.

急症室當值嘅警察都有主動問我係咪需要報案，我考慮咗一陣最後都同意咗，後來重案組亦係大約兩三個鐘後嚟同我落口供，佢問完個人資料之後，第一個問題就係問我有無出去遊行。我答無，佢好似有少少疑惑，我就拎返我張染咗血漬嘅《反斗奇兵4》嘅票尾比佢睇，佢先至再繼續同我落口供。最後我搞到清晨五點幾至返到屋企。

Policeman stationed in the Emergency Room has asked if I need to file a report. I had agreed after some consideration. The Crime Unit has also arrived after 2 to 3 hours to take my statement. After taking my personal information, he asked directly, "Did you join the protest march today?" I said, "No". He looked doubt. I took out the Toy Story 4 ticket stained with my blood and showed him, then he stopped questioning me. Eventually, I went home at about 5am.

其實本身尋日都係好平常嘅一日，同老婆行街、睇戲、食飯。之前我一直都有留意社會上發生嘅事，知道社會瀰漫住好多負面情緒。所以尋日我本身都打算俾自己抖一抖，放低時事一日。無奈就喺我休息、喺我最平常嘅生活當中，遇上咗無差別嘅襲擊，正所謂「我唔搞政治、政治一樣會嚟搞我」。我俾人扑濕，一定係我有做錯，而我最錯嘅係咩？我諗應該係因為我睇咗美帝嘅卡通電影。

It was a very normal day yesterday - shopping with my wife, watching movie, have a great dinner. I know what had happened lately in this city and how desperate people are these days. So I planned to have a relaxed day and free from the news. The ironic part is, on the day I was trying to rest and have a life, it was the day I encountered the indiscriminate attack. There is this saying, "you don't mess with politics, politics will mess with you eventually". I was attacked, so I must have done something wrong? What did I do wrong? Oh, I guess it must have been about me watching the American animation.

我知道我受嘅傷，同喺中上環俾警察無預警下開槍射傷嘅市民比，實在係微不足道（其實佢哋更應被關注！）。不過身邊聽到我經歷嘅朋友都好驚、好忿怒，其實我都係好忿怒、好無助，我地都無辦法明白到底點解坐西鐵返屋企會俾黑社會打，而點解警察又唔嚟阻止？但我更加感受到嘅係市民果種恐懼同絕望感，人群閃躲之際有人跌倒，有人落單，大家衝入車廂果陣會唔會發生人踩人？我老婆都陪伴咗個受驚而情緒失控嘅少女。大家都好驚、好恐懼、好絕望、好furious。人係受威脅之下，會出現figh-or-flight的反應，喺腎上腺素嘅驅使之下，一係會反擊，一係會逃走，但手無寸鐵嘅市民被圍困係車廂中被人撳住嚟打，既不能fight , 又不能flight，果種絕望同恐懼的確唔係三言兩語講得明白，往後嘅心理創傷同陰影烙印，可以係一生之久。

Comparing to those protesters shot by the Policemen without warning in Sheung Wan and Central, I was nothing (we should pay more attention to them instead!). But friends around me were shocked and outraged about my attack. To be frank, I was shocked too. Who would imagine that attack will come when I was just taking the West Rail train back home? And where were the Policemen when we need them? And most of all, I experienced the same fear and desperation with the passengers. People were dodging, falling down, left behind, there could be stampede when we rushed back to the train! My wife had also stayed and comforted a young girl who had almost lost control because of the frightening situation. Everyone was afraid, worried, hopeless and furious. When people are being threatened, there is a response called "fight-or-flight". The adrenaline will drive you to either fight back or take flight. Unfortunately, when we were unarmed and trapped inside the train, we cannot fight back, we cannot take flight, there is no word to describe the despair and fear in that scenario. The psychological trauma and shadow can be life-long.

的確，喺某啲人眼中，無論我係幾無辜被打，我走得慢所以我都依然係抵死，又或者一定係我經過元朗所以抵打。但我呢刻已經無力去鬧爆佢哋，咁做對我嚟講亦係無乜意思。我唔覺得襲擊我嘅人有幾大機會會被繩之於法，我亦都唔想停留喺去點樣出呢啖氣。難道戰爭中國家的政府會為一個被殺嘅平民作出調查麼？戰時社會有戰時嘅生存法則，我不得不面對現實：香港其實同戰爭社會已經無乜大分別，香港警隊同呢個政府係點做嘢，我已經無興趣知。

Some people may say, regardless of how innocent I am, that still, I was to blame. Maybe I ran too slow so I was meant to be attacked. Maybe I passed by Yuen Long so I should have known it better. I do not want to debate with their accusations, it is meaningless anyway. In my believe, there is no hope in taking the attacker down in my case, and I have no intention to take revenge. You see, when there is war in a country, the government will not take it serious when a citizen got killed. Wartime society has its own law of survival, and I have to deal with this reality: Hong Kong is in war now, and I have zero interest in what the HK Police Force and the government will take serious into.

但我都仍然想表達，香港人真係好有愛，喺亂世之時，大家都仍然能夠守望相助，我感受到被愛。車上嘅乘客不斷安慰我，不斷喺有限嘅物資之中幫我消毒止血做急救，救護員都幫咗我好多，我嘅朋友本身已經返咗喺市區嘅屋企都衝返入嚟睇我，亦有朋友係專登揸車入嚟，我嘅屋企人陪我喺急症室等通宵。所有朋友嘅安慰、慰問同祝福我都感受到。

There is one thing I must say. Hong Kong people are really full of passion. During this chaotic time, people are still willing to look after each other. I am blessed with their love: Passengers on the train have comforted me, treated my wound carefully when there is lack of first-aid materials; the professional treatment by the Ambulancemen; some friends have even rushed back after arriving their homes in downtown, one even drove his car all the way to the hospital; my family who have stayed with me in the Emergency Room throughout the whole night; all the comforts, loves and blessings from my friends…I am so blessed.

我唔係想講受襲嘅事唔重要，或者我要淡化、粉飾太平，我相信任何一個有良知嘅人都會對所有尋晚係西鐵上無辜受襲嘅市民感到心痛同忿怒。不過，我亦知道我哋呢種忿怒已經無處可容，因為呢個社會嘅制度已經崩壞，極權肆虐到一個點係唔可能再容許我哋有自己嘅思想同感受。塗鴉一個圖案可以係破壞政府管治基礎嘅底線，如此荒謬嘅話仲係出自一區首長之口，譴責圖案受破壞，比危殆嘅人命還緊要，我就明白到，無人性嘅極權眼中又點會睇到平民百姓人命價值嘅可貴？呢個邪惡嘅政治制度不過係想透過「收買人命」嘅恐慌嚟製造威權管治嘅理由，逼使人民放棄思想同抗爭，做個順民去拜服極權，等佢哋以為自己可以千秋萬世。

I will not say that the attack is not important, or lighten it up or paper over the cracks. Anyone have conscious will definitely be heartbroken and ambushed about the attack at the West Rail. But the truth is that, our outrageous has nowhere to escape. Our society system is corrupting, the totalitarianism is raging brutally to a point where no one is allowed to have their own thinking and feeling. When a simple graffiti is an act to test the bottom line of the government's governance, when the Chief Executive ridiculously condemns the destruction of a symbolic device more than the vicious attack to innocent citizen, I know that our lives have absolutely no values to these senior officials. This evil political system is taking lives, creating the chaos and the reason for their stuck-up governance, forcing the people to give up fighting, while eventually the people will worship them as gods with their kingdom lasts forever.

但係，在荒謬絕倫、置身喺邪惡陰謀嘅被襲經驗之中，我感受到身邊仍然有可愛嘅人，無論係素未謀面嘅乘客、救護員、定係我嘅朋友同家人，係佢地嘅愛同關心，使我能夠克服果種面對荒謬時嘅無助感，令我能夠有信心繼續行落去，有勇氣去面對果份無可躲避嘅恐懼，有盼望去戰勝果啲因擔心無差別隨機攻擊而帶嚟嘅心理壓力。

However, in this ridiculous attack experience under the evil conspiracy, there are lovely people around me: passengers , Ambulancemen, friends and family, for their loves and comforts give me the strength to overcome the helpless feeling throughout this absurd situation, the faith to move on, the courage to face the inevitable fear, and the hope to concur the in-depth pressure caused by the desperation of the indiscriminate attack.

昨日的我，經歷了被襲擊，令我完美的一天不再完美，但我卻在遭害和恐懼當中發現了愛和勇氣，是香港人守望的愛。

I was attacked yesterday, and it made my perfect day imperfect. But I found love and courage in the time of danger and fear. Hong Kong people do watch over for each other.

是的，香港人很有愛，所以我們值得擁有比現在更好的社會領袖和政治制度，We deserve better。因為你們有愛，所以我能夠不再怕遭害。因為你們有愛，所以我能夠堅持這個心願。因為你們有愛，所以我有信心香港人能夠一齊撐落去。

HongKongers are so full of love, that is why we deserve better society leaders and political system. We DO deserve better. Because of your love, I do not fear the danger. Because of your love, I can hold tight to hope. Because of your love, I have faith that HongKongers can stick together and make our own future.

香港人，加油💪🏻！
HongKongers, ADD OIL!

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【簡介description】
Hi everyone
大家好
I´m Jesús
我是黑素斯
Have you seen my videos?
看過我的影片嗎？
Yesterday when I was meditating
昨天我在冥想的時候
And I have something that needs to tell you
我想到一個需要告訴你的事情
Really, I really need to tell you this
真的，我不得不跟你說
Thank you Taiwan
謝謝台灣
Actually, many people say thank you, but means nothing
其實，很多人說謝謝沒有什麼特別的意思
So I want to explain you
所以我要跟你們解釋
Why do I want to thank Taiwan?
為什麼我要感謝台灣？
Many Taiwanese netizens misunderstood me
很多台灣網友誤會我
Because I often talk about cultural differences
因為我常常討論文化差異
And I won't always say
而且我不會一直說
Taiwan is awesome!
台灣棒棒！
Taiwan is perfect!
台灣完美！
I love Taiwan!
我愛台灣！
This is too fake
這樣太假的啦
However, because I didn’t say that
但是，我沒有這樣說
Some people think I don't like Taiwan
有人覺得我不喜歡台灣
Listen
我告訴你！
You were born in Taiwan just by chance
你們是不小心在台灣出生
Be a resident is my decision
當新住民是我的決定
Who cherishes this country more?
誰比較珍惜這個國家？
Recently I´m travelling a lot
最近常常出差
Last time I went to Shanghai, I found that the life there is tough
上次去上海發現那邊的生活多幸苦
Dear Chinese friends, please
親愛的中國網友，拜託
Don't start to throw shit on me. It's boring. OK?
現在不要開始罵我，很無聊，好不好？
And I don't care
而且我不在乎
Chinese are confident, great!
中國人很有自信，讚！
However, if we don´t talk about problems
但是，沒有討論哪裡問題
problems won´t disappear!
問題也不會不見！
I admire people who can live in Shanghai
我超佩服能夠住在上海的人
That place is too big
那個地方太大了
Everyplace is far away
什麼地方都很遠
They only like new things
全部都要改新的
Hey, only old things have a soul
欸，舊的才會有故事
Is terribly expensive, how can poor people lives there?
貴得要命，窮人怎麼過生活？
Taxi drivers wanna rape me off every day
計程車司機每天都想要騙我的錢
Aunts are very aggressive
那邊的阿姨，很兇
Internet, Internet. . .
網路，互聯網。。。
Wall (VPN) is not easy to pass
牆不好翻
Do not take it wrong, Shanghai also has its beauty
別誤會，上海也有上海的美
After all, my friend and ex-girlfriend are all Shanghainese
畢竟我好朋友，前女友都是上海人
But when I returned to Taiwan, I felt
但是我回來台灣的時候覺得
Very thankfull
充滿了感謝
Thank you for reasonable living expenses
謝謝合理的生活費
Thanks for the convenient internet
感謝方便的網路
Convenient transportation
方便的交通工具
Thank you for Taiwanese cuisine

謝謝台灣的美食
Thanks for Taiwan's security
感謝台灣的安全
But most of all thank you for:
但是最要感謝你們的是：
Taiwan’s human touch
台灣的人情味
Let me live my life here feels great
讓我在這邊過生活很蘇胡
Did you realize about it
有沒有發現
People doesn´ t cherish the everyday life things
我們已經習慣一個東西，就不珍惜？
Right?
是不是？
If there is food at home
家裡有東西吃
You take it for granted
你覺得理所當然
Your boyfriend gives you a macchiato every day
男朋友每天送給你一杯焦糖瑪奇朵
Yout think it is his job
妳覺得是應該的
if he doesn´t, you will complain
沒有送，妳也許會罵她
Actually, there is no such thing as "obviously"
其實，沒有所謂的『理所當然』
I lived in Taiwan for 12 years and got used to everything
住在台灣12年，我什麼都很習慣
So, needs to remind myself
所以，要提醒自己
Cherish the benefits of living in Taiwan
好好珍惜住在台灣的好處
Every day people tell me
每天都有人跟我說
Thank you for loving Taiwan so much
謝謝你那麼愛台灣
do you need thank me for liking Taiwan?
我喜歡台灣需要謝謝嗎？
When I go to the cafe for coffee, the boss won´t say
我去咖啡廳喝咖啡的時候，老闆不會說
Thank you for like our coffee
謝謝你喜歡我們的咖啡
right?
是不是？
Probablily he will way
他比較會說
Do you like it?
喜歡嗎？
Come back again
那以後常來喔
I want to thank Taiwanese government for my ID
我要感謝台灣政府給我台灣身分證
That wasn´t Wu Feng?
那不是吳鳳嗎？
Jesús, you talk a lot of bullshit!
黑素斯，你亂講一大堆！
Don´t compare yourself with Wu Feng
你不要再跟吳鳳比較
Congratulations to Wu Feng!
吳鳳恭喜！
Question
問題
Do you value living in Taiwan?
你珍惜住在台灣嗎？
What about caramel macchiato from your boyfriend?
男朋友送給你的焦糖瑪其朵呢？
What about your girlfriend´s attention?
女朋友的關心呢？
What about the food I cook for you?
阿嬤幫你煮的菜？
Oh!
唉呦！
Jesús, do you cherish me?
黑素斯，你珍惜我嗎？
Did you thank me?
有感謝過我嗎？
S***t
靠腰！
Okay
好啦
You know, right?
你知道吧
Like, Subscribe, Share with your Cat
按讚，訂閱，跟你家裡的貓咪分享
Meow!
喵！
I said Meow!
我說喵！
Meow means do it now
喵的意思是快一點啦
Meow! Meow!
喵喵！
Bye
拜！
I'm curious, do you know I'm sharing photos in IG everyday?
我好奇，你知道每天我在IG PO照片嗎？
Check it out
去看啦
I reply msn by myself
回答是我本人耶
Next week
下個禮拜
Meow!
喵！
Bye
賤！


【音樂MUSIC】
Funk Down